Mindset*
Recently two friends were having a debate. One friend had the fundamental belief that all people at their core were good. The other friend had the fundamental belief that all people at their core were garbage.
I promise my friends aren’t as absurd as they sound, but I couldn’t shake the conversation. I hadn’t weighed in other than to confirm that friend two did believe some people are TRYING to be good, a relief that he wasn’t headed for a nihilistic tale spin.
This isn’t going to be a debate on good vs. garbage, it’s an exploration of our personal core beliefs.
I believe that at my core I’m a good person, I do good things to help others and I live a good life, I’m a vegan with a hybrid who spent five years teaching public school for goddesses sake.
This is something I feel is unshakable. Like all things that we believe to be solid or unquestionable that foundation was shaken.
I, like many others, had the facts illuminated of how much I live, benefit and contribute to a society of white supremacy. The myth of white supremacy this country was built on allows me to write off, remain separate from or flat ignore issues of racial inequality, abuse and subjugation.
This was new data for me. It shouldn’t be new, but I’ve been able to live with the mythical filter of white supremacy. In case you can’t see where this is going, this information shattered my foundation. How can I believe in my core that I’m a good person and also willingly contribute to the oppression of humans?
This put me at a crossroads. Either I walk down a path that challenges my foundational belief of my own goodness. Or I walk down a path that affirms my foundational belief in my own goodness.
In education there is a concept of growth mindset vs. fixed mindset based on the work of Carol Dweck. I don’t want to get distracted with the nuances so I’ll boil it down.
Fixed mindset is just that fixed. A student has the belief that intelligence is static, either you are smart or you are not.
Growth mindset is just that growing. A student has the belief that intelligence is something that is developed through challenges.
You might be thinking, WTF we were talking about the existential crisis you were having about being a good person while also contributing to white supremacy?!?!?! Here is the connection, the paths. I could choose to walk a path of a fixed mindset about my goodness. I either am good or I am not. If that is my thinking I’m going to search out ways to affirm my belief that I’m a good persons because I don’t want to be a garbage person.
Or I could choose to walk a path of growth mindset about my goodness. That path would involve embracing the challenge of how I’ve done harm the past and how I can prevent doing harm in the future. I would take the new information and allow it to influence and change my beliefs and actions.
I’m writing about mindset because I’m seeing so much fixed mindset out in the world. Not only about racism but also in the responses to COVID. I have so much empathy for the suffering inflicted by a fixed mindset. I’ve watched it so many time with children throwing up their hands while crying This is stupid. I’m stupid! So how gut-wrenching to believe that because the veil of white supremacy shielded you from seeing the truth that you are no longer a good person but garbage. How gut-wrenching to believe that because of an invisible virus you’re no longer safe you are in fact living in a dangerous and unrecognizable world. If my choice was either I’m a good person or I’m garbage, be damn sure I would fight tooth and nail to prove that I’m good. If my choice was either I’m safe or I’m in danger be damn sure I would fight tooth and nail to believe that I’m safe.
So what do you do when you hear a child yell I’M STUPID? Most of us would assure them that that isn’t true, possibly followed by examples of how they are smart. But that doesn’t change a fixed mindset. What is really needed is empathy and connection. This is a damn tall order. It’s hard to give real empathy. On top of that we’re all tired. We’re all scared. We’re all hurting. We’re all angry. We’re all sad. We’re all unsure. None of what we are experiencing now makes empathy and connection the easy choice. Its much easier to remain mad, or throw around facts and I know I’m repeating myself but, what we really need is empathy and connection. You can’t do this with every person you disagree with on social media but when you’re fuming or frustrated with those you love consider changing the approach.
With Love,
Erin
*Original Post Date July 8th, 2020
