(Wo)manifesting*

I’ve been working on changing my career for about two years. And here I am my last days as a teacher and with a signed offer ready to start my next career in a couple weeks. I’m closing one door and walking through another and I almost forgot to be grateful for what I have womanifested.  

Manifestation can get a bad rap. It’s not just sitting back and waiting for the world to give you something. It’s not about positive thinking your way to happiness. Manifesting is hard work, often unseen work, often underappreciated work and when done right it’s damn powerful work so really it should be called womanifesting. 

My quest in womanifesting a new career started with the recognition that I wanted something different for my life. That truth was warped in layers of guilt, doubts and fears. All kinds of guilt. Monetary guilt – I went into debt to become a teacher. Societal guilt – you’re suppose stay in a career until retirement. Professional guilt – if all the good teachers leave…Security guilt- teaching has great benefits and a good retirement. Add in some layer of fear too. Fear of change- what else would I even do. Fear of failure – I couldn’t find another job. Fear of unknowns- would I have to move, go back to school, risk unemployment. With a final hard candy coating of doubt that I wasn’t worthy of anything more than what I had. It was like a shame jawbreaker.

I don’t know how to vision board my way through that shit. But I did learn how to face each layer.

Brené Brown’s work was helpful in understanding what was an expectation I had for myself, what was someone else’s expectations and which ones I needed to listen to. Carolyn Elliott’s work was helpful in recognizing where my unconscious self was holding onto fear and limiting beliefs and how to dissolve them. And finally it was all the powerful women in my life who listened to me, encouraged me and inspired me as I witnessed them womanifesting the things they wanted in their lives. 

Despite the brevity of my reflection this isn’t a short story as I mentioned this is two years in the making and yet I have arrived. 

There is also some magic in this womanifested moment . The kismet of how I found this new career was miraculously saying something at the right time to the right person. The perfect timing, the same week as I end my career signing paperwork for my next, no need to scramble from one job to the next or panic in unemployment. The fact that all this is happening on the tail end of Venus retrograde, a period of feminine rebirth, reflection and reclamation. 

I’m so grateful for the hard work and the magic of this moment. I’m thrilled for this new chapter and how much space I will have for expansion and growth. Work through those layers folx and womanifest the truth at your core.

With Love,

Erin

*Original Post Date June 17th, 2020

I found this rose during a massive reclaim of my neglected garden. It’s the first time it has bloomed in three years.