Fragility*
I am going to talk about race. Not BIPOC stories and perspectives, they are not mine to tell. I’m going to talk about the white race. I’m white, my audience is mostly white so I’m choosing to begin a discussion about being white with other white people. I’m inspired to do this work by Robin DiAngelo’s book White Fragility.
I am not an expert on race, racial issues, oppression, or white supremacy but if I wait until I become an expert then I will never start this conversation.
I am going to make mistakes. That isn’t my intention in starting this conversation. But I cannot have a productive discussion about race in America while also being afraid of being wrong or the belief that I will always be right.
I am choosing to be vulnerable. I don’t say this so you feel like you have to treat me like I’m delicate. Vulnerability is strength but it is a strength we only find in times of risk.
I’m all of 15% into Dr. DiAngelo’s book, and already almost every page has a highlight or note. There is already so much that I want to share and discuss. And this post has gone through many edits until I decided to just take one bite at a time.
I hope you can join me in this with humility, an open mind, and a readiness to be a bit uncomfortable. If I share something that makes you mad, or unsettled or sad, try to stop, take a breath and think ‘why am I feeling ___?”
“White people in North America live in a society that is deeply separate and unequal by race, and white people are the beneficiaries of that separation and inequality.” -Robin DiAngelo
I did tell you I might make you feel very uncomfortable. Or you are possibly offended. Or attempting to explain how you are not a beneficiary, that life hasn’t handed you benefits but heartaches or your ancestors were persecuted in the past. All of these are symptoms of white fragility.
Stop – breath – Why am I feeling ____?
.
.
.
We as white people have been taught to think of ourselves as individuals and not as a racial group. This was intentional, this is a part of white supremacy in our country. If we as white people are not a member of a race that means that racial issues are someone else problems.
Let’s try again.
“White people in North America live in a society that is deeply separate and unequal by race, and white people are the beneficiaries of that separation and inequality.” -Robin DiAngelo
There is no ONE metaphor for understanding race in America but let me try to illustrate this statement with one anyway.
You have made a meal, let’s say a big pot of stew. Everyone at the table eats the stew but half of those who eat it get sick. Do you still feed everyone stew?
Now imagine that we are feeding the whole country that stew. It doesn’t make us (white Americans) sick, it also doesn’t magically make our lives easy. But we and our families can eat the stew and go about your lives without worry of getting sick from the stew. Do we still need to feed everyone the stew?
We are complicit in making the stew, serving the stew, eating the stew and then telling others that it doesn’t make us sick so it shouldn’t make them sick or at the very least ignoring them when they tell us something is wrong with the stew.
Race is not someone else’s problem. Race is our issue. We built white supremacy and only we can dismantle the systemic racism in this nation.
This moment is a call to action, but the phone has been ringing for a long time and only now did I decide to pick-up. For the past few weeks I have been guilting myself for not answering the call sooner and that was leaving little room for me to do what was right. I don’t get to leave my guilt behind but I don’t want to let it become such a heavy burden that it prevents me from making a better choice in future.
With Love,
Erin
*Original Post Date June 9th, 2020
