Shame*
Shame is an all too familiar tool that we have all used and has been used on all us. If you haven’t read, seen or listened to Brené Brown then I recommend you do so.
Right now I notice a lot of shame being used to try to get people to stay home and stay safe. Shame from the media, politicians, and even close friends. Shame is damaging to both the giver and the receiver, and it doesn't work.
“Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change.” - Brené Brown
I am a poor substitute for Brené but I feel a need to talk about this. Things like You're killing your grandparents. Just because you're lonely and bored doesn’t mean you get to put others at risk. Stop thinking it doesn't affect you because it does. Are not changing anyone's behaviors. Shame doesn't change behavior it just makes us feel like shit.
Shame is “the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.” Brené Brown
What is the antidote to shame? Brené tells us its empathy. So here I go, offering empathy to those who need it and most importantly myself.
This time is so hard. It's full of uncertainty beyond anything I've experienced. I don't know when it will end, what will happen and how the world will look when it is ‘over’. As someone who lives alone with a goldfish it is a daily struggle because I want and need social connection and no matter how many Zoom calls I have it is not the same as being in the same space and time with another human.
I am scared. I know I need human interaction, I know I want anything that gives me a sense of normalcy but both of those things put me and others at risk. How do I balance my own needs against the needs of my community? I can't tell you how to find that balance because honestly I’m searching for it myself but I offer the space to search for it with me. There are no wrong feelings, no need to be happy, no need to be frightened, no need to be sad. I fact run through these emotions and many more multiple times each day. These feeling are ever present as I move through this unknown and that is fine.
I see you, I hear you and I am with you. Take what you need from this and leave the rest.
With Love,
Erin
*Original Post Date March 25th 2020
