Plans*

“No matter where I thought I was going, what I thought I would be doing, or what I swore I was in control of, I am reminded in this moment that we are always at the whim of life.”  - Chani Nicholas

I had so many plans. I had a plan of how I was going to leave my current line of work. I had a plan for starting a new career. I had a plan for how to meet my future partner. I had plans.

None of those plans involved being at home alone for six or more weeks. All of my plans involved action, taking steps, one domino hitting the next domino until I reached my desired goals.

None of those plans included space to slow down and listen.

Now gifted or cursed with solitude, I'm trying to allow for moments to surrender. I surrender to life's larger plans. I surrender the hubristic belief that my plans are the most important. I surrender my control, which is not to be confused with surrendering my power. Because what I'm finding in the moments with which I'm able to release the tight grip I have on my plans that the surrender doesn't strip me of control, the surrender allows me to swim with the flow of life current which is beautifully powerful.

Now I still have moments when I try to swim upstream or grab onto a low hanging branch and muscle my way back to MY plans. This is MY life dammit! But with the quiet of this time I more easily notice how exhausted I am from clinging to the branch and I let go of my desire to be in control, my desire to know how my life will turn out, my desire to follow my plan.

By no means has my future and the expansion I want in my life come fully to fruition. But this practice of being in flow means I'm using my strength to swim with not against growth. Because even if life doesn't give a shit about my plans, it does care about me living in alignment with my best and highest good.

With Love,

Erin

*Original Post Date March 31st 2020