Angry
I am so angry. I know I’m not supposed to say that, but I’m going to anyway.
I can logically process why I’m so angry. I even thought I had it all processed with my journals, my counselor and my support network and yet I find myself yelling in a dream “ Will you just LISTEN!!!!!”. The anger needs to move. I need to express it physically so it can leave my body.
“Anger can motivate us to solve a bothersome problem. Fear encourages us to run from danger. Repeated hurt and emotional pain tells us to stay away.” Melody Beattie
Anger and action often translate to fighting. The hurling of that anger at those you are angry with. But as someone who is working hard to be radically responsible for my actions, I want to express my rage in healthy ways. I’m not going to pretend I haven’t had my fair share of screaming matched that began and ended with “FUCK YOU!” or spent many a sleepless night planning how I would verbally destroy an ex if I ever ran into them at the grocery store or let my anger lead me to shit talking, and all the pettiness that comes along with that.
But I’m trying! Here are a couple things that are helping me. One, knowing anger is totally okay to feel, even as a feme. Two, that my anger wants to act, it is present in my body as a signal that something needs to change.
The anger feels like an anxious boxer in the corner before the fight. I’ve landed some low blows in my lifetime but I’d like to retrain my boxer. In that moment it may feel so damn good to land that punch, but the remorse of hurting someone else is excruciating.
So here is how I’ve tried to put my anger/boxer to action that allows me to be angry, act and be responsible for my actions.
Ripping Out Ivy
This worked but also didn’t. The beauty I created by removing the ivy made my anger a little petulant, it just wanted to be destructive
Long Vigorous Walks
Also was good but instead of remaining with the anger and letting it be expressed I would find myself accessing my higher self and making deep connections. I was healing but still not fully expressing my anger.
Ripping Up Books
GASP! I know. How terrible of a writer to consider ripping apart the written word. But damn it felt good. There was no goal but to see the pages removed and shredded and scattered in a big pile on my floor.
Smashing Whole Walnuts
Get some walnuts, find a hard surface and hurl them at the ground, or smash them with a rock like the powerful cave-woman you are! You can write the things you’re angry with on them if you want too. The benefit of this, unlike smashing plates, is there is no clean up, you’re actually just feeding the local wildlife. Whole coconuts are also an option.
Screaming into the Wind, a Pillow, your Car
If you choose to do this outside you either need to find a place where no one can hear you or a place where no one knows you because you are likely to yell things that shouldn't be repeated. I don't like the pillow yell, it makes my face too hot if I get a good rant going, but to each their own.
Burning Things
Now when I say “things” I mostly mean paper. But making a big fire and torching the bullshit things someone said to you or better yet the shitty things you’ve said to yourself, chef kiss! The downside is finding a responsible place to have a fire. Only you can prevent Forest Fires!
The Ocean
This might not be for everyone but it's something I love. The deep thrum of the ocean meeting the rocks undeterred and unrelenting, very satisfying. Also while you are there pick up some rocks and hurl them into the waves, imagine they are the things, people and experience you are angry with and watch as the ocean engulfs them. She will help washing away the power they have over you. If oceans are unavailable any body of water you are called to will work.
Some of you might be reading this and thinking Erin, anger is caused by something deeper, address the deeper issue and the anger will go. And you’re right, anger is the alarm that tells us something is wrong. It’s often telling us we are getting less than you need and deserve. That need can be addressed with all the logic in the world, but guess what doesn’t listen to logic - anger. Ever try to reason with an angry toddler? It doesn't go well and there is no skipping the angry part to address the deeper issue.
And here is the secret. If you try to lock that angry feeling inside, or to push it away to create peace you are just locking the conflict inside your own body. That shit feeling gets stuck inside your mind, or in your heart or in your body and it lashes out. The boxer is going to pummel any opponent it can - you.
“Grief, like and genuine emotion, is accompanied by certain physical changes and the release of a form of psychic energy. If that energy is not expended in the normal process of grieving, it becomes destructive within the person…” Donald L. Anderson
Let me set a scene and see if you have ever felt similarly. You're angry at someone(friend, partner, coworker), mostly likely for a laundry list of little things with one core issue that keeps resurfacing. You finally talk it out, well let’s be honest you probably start with yelling at each other. Then you get the apology, the admission of guilt, the thing you thought you wanted….. And you're left a little unsatisfied. You should feel great. They admitted they were wrong and you were right. It should feel amazing but something is still unsettled. That is the anger which has been in your body, not knowing where to go or what to do with itself.
Let that crappy hurt feeling leave your body. Give your boxer a new job, train them how to throw walnuts instead of punches.
With Love,
Erin
