Forgiveness - a letter

Beloved Erin, 

    We will likely have conversations like these many times in our long life together. We will outgrow beliefs, and need to grow new ones. This process will always need compassion, empathy and forgiveness for self. 

    You’ve outgrown the belief that your comfort and needs are less important than the comfort and needs of others. But here is the tricky bit, the only way to outgrow a belief is to have lived it. So the shame, blame and anger you feel toward yourself isn’t helpful. There is no need to shame the past decisions that put you in the path of unhealthy people. There is no need to blame your past self for the harm those people caused you. There is no need to be angry that your past self didn’t protect herself, she didn’t know how. 

This Brené Brown quote lives in your brain rent free - “Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change.” Put the shame down and forgive yourself. Forgive your past self with all the compassion and empathy you would give to anyone learning something new. Because that is what outgrowing an old belief is, it is learning that something new is possible. 

You needed to make those mistakes in order to learn what you needed. Without those mistakes you never would have sought better.  So hold that younger self, even if it’s just you from yesterday, with warmth and understanding, she is doing her damn best and so are you

All my love, 

Erin